March 2025 will go down as the month that Apple fans around the world cried tears of pain as the company announced further delays to the Siri upgrade we've been waiting years for.

The once industry-leading voice assistant has been playing catch up to its competitors for years, and while a massive Apple Intelligence upgrade was expected in the coming weeks, it has now been delayed indefinitely.

So, while I've spent the last week or so fighting back the tears as I come to terms with my Apple Intelligence disillusionment, now I've decided to see the funny side.

We all know Siri is pretty rubbish, and as a Glaswegian-born Scot, I have an accent that the voice assistant wishes didn't exist. So for your entertainment, and as a call to action for Apple to do something about Siri sooner rather than later, here are five obvious things Siri just can't do.

1. What's the month?

I can't actually believe I'm writing this in 2025, but Siri can't tell you what month it is. Yes, that's correct, Apple's voice assistant in $1000+ smartphones cannot check the month in your calendar.

Siri can tell you the day, month, and year if you ask for the date, but it will respond "Sorry, I don't understand." If you ask "What month is it?"

That's a baffling lack of intelligence from a voice assistant that's meant to be at the core of the iPhone user experience. It's such a simple question that I almost find it insulting no one at Apple checked to make sure Siri could respond correctly to this in the 14 years since it launched.

2. The president is... Kier Starmer

Right, not knowing the month is pretty terrible but equally just as bad is Apple's inability to get the correct answer to "Who is the President?" Admittedly, if you explain you mean the POTUS then Siri will say Donald Trump, but asking for the president in the UK gets the response "Kier Starmer."

Kier Starmer, the current Prime Minister of the United Kingdom is not even colloquially known as the "president", so as far as I'm concerned Siri is just plain wrong here.

I think this showcases Siri's inability to actually understand, you either need to say something it can perfectly match with its database or it won't be able to respond correctly.

3. Home calendar, not work calendar

Siri really struggles with natural language, in fact, if you ask it to add an event to your calendar and then correct yourself it ends up putting the correction as the event title.

For example, ask Siri to add dinner at 7 pm to your calendar, and then say "Home calendar, not work calendar." You'll get a lovely calendar event called "Home calendar, not work calendar" at 7 pm... Completely useless.

Siri's major Apple Intelligence upgrade was set to make the voice assistant smarter and hopefully allow for more natural language understanding. While Siri can't quite grasp any stumbling of words today, it might in the future. Here's hoping.

4. Football season is over, but Siri can't tell you that

Siri also has no idea about sporting events, and will respond with the score to Super Bowl LIX between the Philadelphia Eagles and Kansas City Chiefs every time you ask "What football is on this weekend?" or "What football is on tonight?"

While the match on February 9 was the last NFL game to take place, it would be great for a smart assistant to be able to tell you the season has ended and will resume again in September.

There's a common theme here with Siri's total lack of awareness which makes the voice assistant feel like something from 2011, rather than a modern assistant with years of updates under its belt.

5. I wish Siri understood me

The last example of Siri's incompetency is relevant to anyone who has a slight twang in their accent. As a Scot, I can have a thick accent at times, but to be perfectly honest it's usually very easy to understand.

Unfortunately for me, nine times out of ten Siri will just not understand what I'm saying and fail, or misunderstand and give a completely unrelated response. I've been waiting for a better Siri for ages, purely just to get a voice assistant that doesn't require multiple attempts to set an alarm.

ChatGPT Advanced Voice Mode or Google Gemini have no issue with understanding my voice, and I feel like in 2025 Siri should be on par with those competitors.

I don't feel like what I'm asking for is unrealistic, I just want a voice assistant that understands me, can tell me the month, and who the president is, responds to natural language, and has a clear understanding of the sporting calendar. Apple, please...

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